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We don’t see many models of inclusive leadership in practice. But I believe — and hope — that will change in 2022. Last week I shared one of my 2022 inclusion predictions on LinkedIn. The TL;DR version is that more leaders will embrace personal accountability — out loud. I have one more prediction to share with you: that more leaders will hold themselves — and each other — accountable. (If you’re curious for an example, keep reading!) (What I would love to see too, though I’m not holding my breath, is accountability from a place of openness and generosity, rather than the “gotcha” type we often see in the media! More calling in rather than calling out.) And when I say leaders, I’m not only talking about the C-Suite. Leaders of departments, teams, Employee Resource Groups, managers, volunteer organizations, and networking groups have power and privilege they can deploy to ensure people of all identities and backgrounds are welcome. Tim Ryan has several terrific examples of corporate leader accountability. So yes, I’m looking to business leaders, but I’m also looking to you and me. Anti-racist, gender-balanced inclusive work environments won’t create themselves. This is a critical area of opportunity and impact for leaders to drive. (And within our spheres of influence we can all be leaders for this.) How? Well first, leaders must do internal work to build greater self-awareness, cultivate a growth mindset and educate themselves about how bias shows up in the workplace. Second, they must acknowledge — and practice! — the same personal actions required to mitigate bias that we all must undertake in our communities. I’m talking about: Can we take a critical look at our own social circle and be honest with ourselves about the diversity among our nearest and dearest? Are we only interacting with people like us? How can we change that meaningfully? What type of media do we consume? Are we only consuming media by white people for white people, or are we actively seeking out perspectives from underestimated people in our community too? Are we pronouncing names correctly, or if our name gets mispronounced constantly, correcting others to get it right? How do we deal with unfamiliarity? I also expect to see greater demands of leadership accountability on inclusion from current employees, prospective employees and contractors, shareholders, customers, competitors and society in general. And frankly? It’s more than time! But I want to say too (and I said this on LinkedIn, but it bears repeating) that if you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of embracing your accountability and then, well, making a mistake, there’s nothing wrong with you — in fact, you’re human. It’s easy to feel daunted by a challenge as all-encompassing as meaningful, sustainable inclusion. The mindset shift we must make over and over is this: it’s not a matter of choosing the “best” or “right” course of action, but choosing AN action. I lay out more of these in my book, Inclusion on Purpose (which will be in your hands on March 1st!). It has actionable advice for organizations and individuals alike. I often have to remind myself that when it comes to progress, “perfect is the enemy of good.” Well, perfect action doesn’t exist, especially in imperfect situations and in the face of huge challenges like systemic racism and sexism. But if we all take consistent, committed, “pretty good” action… imagine the world of difference we could make! How do you hold yourself — and others — accountable to taking inclusive action? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

There’s a big gap — a chasm, even — between knowing that inclusion is a priority… …and taking personal responsibility to drive it. As the great Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” Yesterday was MLK Day in the United States and while many organizations and leaders use it as a day to post an obligatory inspiring quote by Dr. King and then go on conducting business as usual, I can’t help but feel more inspired than ever that this is the year for change. Inclusive workplaces don’t happen by chance. We have to practice inclusion every day, like many meaningful endeavors such as playing an instrument or sport, and even cultivating relationships. We don’t see many models of this practice in leadership. Think about how many leaders pay lip service to inclusion, then a few months later a news story breaks about toxic work culture, microaggressions, or turnover at their organizations? Cue MLK Jr. quote on any business leader’s social media. But that’s no longer acceptable. It’s 2022, everyone. Empty words are so last year. The buck for inclusion stops with every one of us — especially when we’re in positions of power and privilege. Yes, I’m talking about leaders, but not just in the C-Suite. Leaders of departments, teams, Employee Resource Groups, volunteer organizations, and networking groups have power and privilege they can deploy to ensure people of all identities and backgrounds are welcome. For too long, we’ve seen gridlock in progress towards work cultures where historically underestimated and underrepresented people can fully belong and contribute. As one example, this number astonishes me: after nearly two years in a devastating global pandemic that exacerbated inequalities, over 13 million women left the workforce. Meanwhile, male employment resumed to pre-pandemic levels! And that’s merely one dimension of diversity. When you add intersecting identities of race and ethnicity, socioeconomic class, immigration status, and more, the outcomes are even more grim. There are plenty of actions leaders can take and I am more hopeful than ever that this is the year we’ll see inclusive leadership in action. To that end, I have two predictions I’m making for 2022: 1. More leaders will embrace personal accountability — out loud We’ll see more statements like “meritocracy is a myth and I recognize how structural biases and racism holds back many from career progress.” Or, “while talent is abundant, opportunity is not. I'm committing to create opportunities for historically excluded people in the workplace.” Imagine, for a moment, the impact it would have on you to hear your organization’s leaders declare something like that? Imagine that if you’re from a historically underrepresented community, how much more welcome you’ll feel when leaders with privilege admit this? I can’t wait to see this become the “new normal.” But I want to say too that if you feel overwhelmed by the prospect of embracing your accountability and then, well, making a mistake, there’s nothing wrong with you — in fact, you’re in great company. It’s easy to feel daunted by a challenge as all-encompassing as meaningful, sustainable inclusion. We’ve all been there, and we’ll likely be there again. The mindset shift we must make over and over is this: it’s not a matter of choosing the “best” or “right” course of action, but choosing AN action. I lay out more of these in my book, Inclusion on Purpose (which will be in your hands on March 1st!). It has actionable advice for organizations and individuals alike. I often have to remind myself that when it comes to progress, “perfect is the enemy of good.” Well, perfect action doesn’t exist, especially in imperfect situations and in the face of huge challenges like systemic racism and sexism. But if we all take consistent, committed, “pretty good” action… what a world of difference we’ll make! What are your inclusion predictions for 2022 and beyond? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

In 2022, I’m noticing a monumental shift in how leaders approach inclusion: More corporate leaders are speaking openly about how privilege has shaped the course of their careers. This is a marked tone-change. I can see it clearly after spending a decade studying inclusion and diversity. I am guided by intersectionality — a concept coined by the great scholar Kimberlé Crenshaw to describe how marginalized identities like race, ethnicity, gender and class coalesce to create overlapping and compounding forms of discrimination. Understanding intersectionality is central to understanding our own privilege. If we cannot see and name in which ways our identities grant us access, and in which ways they deny us access, we can’t ever fully name our privilege. And at last, corporate leaders are talking about privilege––not “I’m white and male but grew up poor so I’m discriminated against too” but “I’m white and male and those privileges have provided social mobility even though I grew up poor!” It gives me confidence — and hope — that the business community will make strides on inclusion in 2022. Diversity, equity and inclusion has, for too long, centered around “empowering” underestimated folks. Many corporate DEI programs are grounded in the awful misconception that those people out there are lacking and if only they worked hard enough to get the same opportunities as me. Now I’m seeing white and male leaders say, “the system was designed to benefit me. Here’s my role in using my privilege to dismantle this system.” There will be challenges, of course. I anticipate a reckoning around microaggressions. There is an urgent need to update workplace discrimination policies to address them. I’m sure we’ll see at least a few senior leaders default to defensiveness when they make an error or gaffe. While these stumbles might make you and me groan, the very fact that we can know and discuss them is a sign of progress and must continue. While change may seem to move at a snail’s pace, it is happening. We have the responsibility and privilege of witnessing it and holding ourselves and our leaders accountable to it. It’s on this cautiously optimistic note that I welcomed the New Year — not only a year in which I anticipate progress on inclusion, but the year that my book Inclusion on Purpose comes out! Speaking of which, some unexpected events happened when I returned to my office last week: My book launch got pushed to March 1, 2022 due to global supply chain issues. My child was sent home from school within two hours of being back. More people than I’ve ever known have Covid at the same time (and thanks to vaccines and booster shots, everyone is recovering)! It’s a poignant reminder that the best-laid plans can fall apart, and the best thing I can do about them is to shake it off (after time to acknowledge the disappointments) and be grateful. Perhaps that’s my wish for all of us in 2022: that we cope with setbacks, disappointments, or errors with humor and gratitude. Yes, we will hold ourselves and leaders accountable to progress. Yes, we will roll up our sleeves and do good work. And yes, things will almost certainly not go according to plan. Let’s do our best to greet those surprises with self-compassion. What inclusion progress do you expect or hope for in 2022? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I’m writing to you from Singapore, where I’m sinking into the comfort of my family and home country like a bath. I hope wherever you’re reading this from, you’re feeling supported, hopeful, and having moments of joy, like me. This year was an absolute whirlwind! Sometimes it feels like it happened in the blink of an eye, but as I reflect back on the highlights I’m astounded and humbled by the opportunities 2021 gave me. I am so grateful for your support around these milestones. To name a few: My book Inclusion on Purpose comes out in less than two months! Click the link to place a preorder from your favorite bookstore. Maybe one for a friend too? THANK YOU! Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome (which I co-write with Jodi-Ann Burey) went viral, earning over one million views I joined Brené Brown as a guest on her podcast Dare to Lead with Jodi-Ann to discuss imposter syndrome (I found out last week our episode is on Spotify’s list of 20 best podcast episodes in 2021!) Becoming a regular contributor to the New York Times was a dream come true in itself, more so to cover topics dear to me like colorism, the experience of women of color in the workplace, and collaborating on an investigative story with journalist extraordinaire Alisha Haridasani Gupta Speaking at organizations like Pixar, NASA, Google, and more Although I’m proud of these achievements, your individual notes of solidarity and connection will always stand out to me as among the brightest moments this year. Truly, I cherish every single one of your notes, direct messages, and comments. Thank you. I am also so grateful for an amazing team of support, including Eva Jannotta, Jasmine Barta, Sydney Curry, Meredith Salmon, Vanessa Arias, La’Kita Williams, Ijeoma Oluo, the teams at MIT Press, Carol Mann Agency and ARC Literary Agency, Cave Henricks, all the amazing writers and editors I’ve been lucky to work with, everyone who advocated for me to speak at their organizations, and all our partners and clients. No one achieves anything alone! Speaking of not achieving anything alone, I’ve created a list of referral partners who are amazing Diversity, Equity and Inclusion practitioners. Check out their work and follow them! If I can leave you with one final “call to action” this year, it’s this: Rest. Yes, truly! It’s gift-giving season, and I can think of no better gift to give ourselves than rest. In a culture that prizes productivity over nearly everything, prioritizing rest is indeed a radical act. That’s what I’ll be doing for the rest of this year. I’ll be back in early January to share why I believe 2022 is the year even skeptics will believe in diversity, equity, inclusion and take personal responsibility to make change. But for now, picture me taking walks with my son, laughing with my family and childhood friends, indulging in baby niece cuddles, eating enough hawker centre food to last me the year ahead, reading on the sofa, and consuming way too much of my mum’s biryani (which I paid homage to on Brené Brown’s podcast.) Thank you so much for being on this journey with me. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

If I’m never asked to speak for free again, it’s too soon. Yes, I know that doesn’t quite make sense, but I hope it conveys to you my utter dismay and astonishment at the countless unpaid speaking “opportunities” that abound. And I know I’m not alone: Few topics incite more ire among my professional speaking colleagues than unpaid speaking opportunities. Yet these “opportunities” are everywhere! And they’re not equally distributed: It’s my anecdotal experience — mine and others’ — that women of color are more likely than white women, men of color, and white men to be expected to speak for free. (As a side note, I am surprised I could not find research on pay rates for speakers by gender or race/ethnicity. If you’ve come across any, please let me know!) Why do we think speaking is “free”?? Let me start by assuming positive intent. Perhaps you’re new to your job and tasked with finding speakers for a free event. You think, we’re only asking for 30-minute presentations. The event will be free, so the speakers will get tons of exposure. Exposure is a form of compensation! I can understand this line of thinking — but it’s problematic. Firstly, preparing a solid presentation for a public audience takes hours of research, preparation, and rehearsal (sometimes more so if it’s a short presentation). No 30 minute presentation requires only 30 minutes of work. Secondly, the presentation content and the speaker’s profile — which will attract attendees and impact each person beyond the event itself — often represents a career’s worth of work. Thirdly, there’s the opportunity cost to your speaker. The hours she spends preparing to speak at your event for free are hours she could spend doing paid work. (And don’t even get me started on those events that expect speakers to pay for their own travel and lodging for the supposed benefit of free exposure!) Not compensating speakers appropriately has a cascade of effects that make truly inclusive conferences with diverse perspectives and lived experiences impossible. After all, speaking for free isn’t a realistic option for many people, especially people of color who are most disadvantaged by a large racial wealth gap. “Exposure” cannot pay the bills. “Exposure” cannot help speakers build their businesses, create new jobs, support community causes, or build generational wealth for their families. But most importantly: why is it ever acceptable to expect someone to work for free? You wouldn’t expect the caterer to provide refreshments for free or the sound and lighting engineers to do their work uncompensated. Why is speaking any different? My answer, as you can probably guess, is that it isn’t different. Speaking is a valuable professional service and we must treat it as such — especially if we’re committed to inclusive and equitable events. But what if I have NO budget? I want to address a concern some of you may have, especially if you work with a tight budget. I encourage you to source inclusively for your events regardless, as long as your approach is respectful. Make sure the speaker understands why you’re asking her to speak, such as the impact she can have on your community members. Offer an “honorarium” or token amount to demonstrate that you’re giving what you can. Make sure to compensate for travel and lodging, or offer a virtual option so the onus is never on the speaker to pay her way to the event. If you’re a nonprofit, provide a tax-deductible donation receipt so your speaker can write-off her donation of speaking services at tax time. And always ensure that all speakers are compensated — not just some. (I don’t mean that all must be compensated identically — high-profile speakers will command a higher fee. But never pay some speakers and expect others to work for free.) This is an instance where you have the power to advocate for inclusion and equity. Use your privilege and influence to ensure speakers are paid. I’ve seen it work in multiple organizations: when someone asks “why are we paying caterers but have no budget for speakers,” it gives leaders the opportunity to see with new eyes. Your advocacy makes a difference, and you can start today. Are you planning events with speakers? Forward this post to your leaders or financial team to open a discussion about paying your speakers — or at least offering them something meaningful in return for their valuable service. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

If I had a cent for every time I’ve been invited to speak on a “manel,” or “whanel” (a word I’ve seen thrown around to describe an all-white panel), or to speak for free… ...I’d make an enormous donation to the Northwest Immigrants Rights Project. 😉 Humor aside, diversity of backgrounds, lived experiences and identities is an important aspect to making events inclusive. It’s surprising to me that even after so much discussion around diversity, equity and inclusion — especially after George Floyd’s murder ignited such a powerful, global movement in 2020 — I was still invited to numerous (virtual) manels and conferences with all-white speakers this past year! I wrote about being intentionally inclusive in Do Inclusive Events Mean the End of Fun? I also provided tips to make sure we’re being inclusive when we extend invitations socially and professionally. Well, I’m here to tell you: the same thinking applies to inviting experts and speakers to your events. There is a lot of opportunity to grow here. We’re rapidly approaching a new year and I’m finally getting many more in-person speaking requests, which tells me we must be intentional in planning our events. As organizations and leaders plan their events for 2022, I’m highlighting few recommendations to ensure your events are inclusive and make attendees of all backgrounds feel welcome and seen: Set audacious goals I love the perspective-shift that comes from BHAG–Big, Hairy, Audacious Goals. By changing your focus from an obligation to an opportunity, the energy shifts and excitement takes over. Think of it this way: Instead of “uh oh, we need more diversity on our panel,” what if your team said: “Let’s get really creative in pushing the envelope on just how diverse and inclusive we can make this lineup?!” "How many transwomen or nonbinary people in tech can we invite to speak?" "How many working parents are experts in our topic?" "Can we invite as many non-college graduate community organizers as PhDs? Maybe even more?" Never settle for “one and done.” Setting audacious goals makes it impossible to avoid diversity at your conferences, and goes a long way toward ensuring that people of all identities and backgrounds seem themselves represented and feel included and welcome. It also avoids the “one and done” problem. Just one token speaker from an underestimated background does not mean you can check “inclusive” off your to-do list and call it a day. It also doesn’t deliver the benefits of true inclusion: long-standing research shows that tokenized individuals feel compelled to assimilate to the majority surroundings. And believe me — I always notice when I’m the only woman, person of color, or woman of color at an event. It never feels good. Have you attended an event (in person or virtually) that really impressed you with its inclusion practices? What stood out to you most? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

“Do you want to come to my party?” Think back to the last time you uttered those words — especially to someone you didn’t know very well. I bet that many of us left this kind of unselfconscious invitation in school, when asking a classmate or neighbor, “do you want to be my friend” was no big deal! But as we grow older, we become hyper aware of only socializing with people like us. Sadly, this very human tendency to only invite people we already know leaves so many others out and often further marginalized underestimated people. To disrupt this and become more intentionally inclusive, we can learn something from our childhood selves (or in my case, watching my five-year-old son make new friends). Intentionally inviting people is key to practicing inclusion. In my last Inclusion is Leadership, I wrote about the disturbing lack of curiosity I see in social and professional settings. It manifests in: the way we extend (or don’t) invitations to colleagues and acquaintances; where and when and how we plan social and networking events; our unchecked assumptions about what people like and whether they’ll want to socialize in the same way as us. But I’m happy to tell you: the fix is easy! It calls for tuning in to your curious inner five-year-old, and inviting yourself to be open and excited about new experiences. Intentionally inviting people to your events (all the more if it’s a virtual event) is inclusion. So is planning your events to suit a variety of tastes, schedules and comforts. So, here are a few ways leaders like you can be more intentional and curious in event-planning, formal and informal: 1. Make the effort to learn what type of events would best include all employees and colleagues particularly those from underrepresented backgrounds To ensure all people feel included, make an effort to understand the practices that exclude them, as well as the barriers that stop them from attending work functions. These could include dietary preferences and timings that accommodate caregiving responsibilities. Listen and make changes accordingly. Of course, it’s important to ask these questions privately so that people don’t feel targeted or othered in a group setting. You can also include questions surrounding personal preferences in an organization-wide, anonymous survey. 2. Be intentional when making connections When there are employees from diverse backgrounds at an event, intentionally introduce them to those in the “in-group.” Women, people of color and disabled people, for example, are often left to the sidelines while the dominant group socializes — something I’ve sadly experienced all too often at work events. I’ve previously written about affinity bias; we are drawn to sameness and people from underestimated backgrounds often find themselves excluded from conversations, especially in homogenous work environments. Using your influence to intentionally foster these connections can have a big impact on how welcome another person feels. 3. Plan more events that don’t center around alcohol. But don’t immediately assume that certain people of color don’t drink. In the U.S. and Western Europe, social and networking culture often revolves around alcohol, which can leave out people who don’t drink. Planning more events that aren’t alcohol-driven is key to being more inclusive. And even if an event is at a bar or alcohol is present, don’t automatically assume that immigrant people of color will be uncomfortable attending. I’ve attended plenty of events at bars, even during times when I wasn’t drinking alcohol, and know many people who have no objections to being around alcohol, whether or not they personally consume it. It’s always best to extend an invite and let your employee or colleague decide for herself, rather than making the decision for her. Most of all, observe–if almost all work events center around alcohol, be intentional in balancing them out with ones that don’t. Addressing Resistance I want to preemptively address some resistance that may surface with this article. You might feel as though being intentionally inclusive means sacrificing what you enjoy. What if you don’t like vegan food, or you have the most fun in places that serve alcohol? I get it. And if I dig deep into my empathy, I can see how some white men could feel the same way when told that sports bars, cigar clubs and golf can’t be the only places they host networking and social gatherings (we can’t assume that women are automatically uncomfortable in those places, but it’s fair to say that most of them are geared towards cis, heterosexual men!) If part of you feels defensive about “giving up what you like,” I understand – you’re human. We’ll probably always have a bias towards our personal preferences and comforts, where we feel most welcome and belong. The problem is, most workplaces were set up by and for white men. So these events are often most geared towards…you guessed it! They also often exclude people who don't identify as white men. Thankfully, more of us can nurture our curiosity too and recognize that we care about more than our preferred food or drink or environment. We care about how we make others feel. We care about our reputations. We care about camaraderie on our teams. We care about creative ideas. We care about connection. These are preferences too! And when we act inclusively, we give these interpersonal preferences priority. Not only do we benefit from it, but everyone around us benefits, too. So thank you for making social events intentionally inclusive. How have you changed your event-planning practices to be more inclusive? Or, is there someone in your life you think does a great job of this? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I once worked with a team that practiced what felt like an egalitarian decision-making process. We would meet, discuss challenges and collectively come up with strategies to move forward. Sounds great, doesn’t it? But over time, I noticed something odd: a few days after our team meetings, I would return to work to find the decisions that we made were moot, and the manager was moving in a different direction. At first, I had no idea what initiated these changes. But eventually I solved the puzzle: my male manager and certain members of our department were having additional, informal get-togethers after work at a local bar. There, they would talk shop and new decisions were made about who to hire, promote and assign to important projects. Though I was never invited, I later learned that it wasn’t gender-based. White women at all levels in our department were invited. But I never scored an invitation. Later, I figured it had something to do with being the only woman of color in my department. “Acting naturally” is seldom inclusive I don’t believe they excluded me because they disliked me, per se, but I do know it was because I was different from the “in-group.” Research on affinity bias shows that we are naturally drawn to people who are like us. Affinity bias often leads us to invite people like us and notice when people like us are missing from the gathering. Conversely, it means we often don’t consciously realize our oversight when we’ve excluded people who are different from us. In other words: acting “naturally” doesn’t cut it — not if you’re committed to being inclusive every day and in every way. Unless we consciously invite and include, we could be unconsciously excluding others. It might seem like no big deal: A casual drink here, a few networking events there with like-minded colleagues isn’t so bad, right? Unfortunately, these seemingly innocuous meetups have consequences, and most of them fall on the employees from underestimated backgrounds. The solution is to invite people from underestimated backgrounds to these kinds of events, no matter what. That means being intentionally open and curious about people who are different from us — the subject of last week’s Inclusion Is Leadership on LinkedIn. Choosing curiosity is up to all of us, but I believe managers and leaders have a particular responsibility to lead by example. So always invite everyone, especially if it’s a “casual, informal” gathering. It’s not difficult to invite someone to an event, and believe me, it makes a big difference. I think we can all relate, perhaps from experiences in our childhood, to how good it feels to be included. And conversely, how hurtful it feels to be excluded. In some ways, we’re no different now than at five years old (I see it everyday, as that’s the age my son is as I’m writing this!). It still feels good to be included, and we each have the power to extend inclusive invitations to our colleagues, neighbors and community. Earlier I wrote that making inclusive invitations is part of the solution. The other part is on the structural side: organizing inclusive events that welcome employees from all backgrounds. In my next letter to you, I’ll share steps for creating inclusive events to begin with. Has someone in your life made you feel especially included? Have you done the same for others? Let’s shift the narrative. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I see a disturbing lack of curiosity in professional and social settings. It concerns me. Without being curious about other people and their experiences, we can’t build empathy or a diversity of relationships. And what I’m realizing more and more strongly is that we each have a personal responsibility to take action to practice inclusion in every interaction. I am not saying systemic change doesn’t need to happen — it does. But how do systems change? Through people. And how do people change? By introducing ourselves to new experiences and perspectives. The lack of curiosity coincides with a shift happening in management and leadership all over the world: your work self and home self are inextricable. A Life of Inclusion Who you are at work and outside of work is the same person. “Work life” and “home life” don’t exist on separate planets; it’s all “life.” The pandemic made this impossible to ignore, and it applies to caregiving, mental and physical health, relationships, and yes, inclusion. Especially inclusion. You could be an effective manager to a team of people from all backgrounds. But when you go home, is your social network all white or male or heterosexual? When you go out to eat, shop, buy a book or watch a movie, do you meaningfully and intentionally seek out options from lesser-heard communities? How about when you network, attend a PTA meeting, or take a class? Are there many people who don’t look like you? If the answer is no, it’s time to cultivate curiosity intentionally. But how? “Where are you from?” This isn’t everyone’s reaction, but it surprises me when I meet someone and they don’t ask me where I’m from. 🤷🏽‍♀️ It’s harder still when I say “Singapore” and they ignore me in favor of bonding with the guy next to me over his hometown of Peoria, Illinois (no shade to Illinois, but why don’t we display equally respectful curiosity or excitement, no matter where the person is from?). Personally, I’ve learned so much from asking “where are you from”! Ok, I know! It’s a fraught question, often implying you don’t belong here. And to be clear, “where are you from” followed by “no, but where are you really from” is never an acceptable line of questioning (see why here). But avoiding that question altogether can feel like a dismissal, akin to supposed (and problematic!) “colorblindness.” There are numerous ways we avoid exploring our differences, perhaps out of awkwardness or fear of offending someone. But inclusion doesn’t happen by accident. Research on affinity bias shows that we are naturally drawn to people who are like us. That means if left to our own “natural” devices, we might never extend a hand to someone different from us, especially in our personal lives. In my last Inclusion Is Leadership, Jennefer Witter commented, “In most of my experiences the majority of my staff were white and had never worked for a POC. One of the things I learned was that many had no interaction with people outside their race outside of the workplace.” That has to change. To practice inclusion in what you eat, read, watch, or buy is relatively easy — after all, you don’t have to put yourself out there. But what about interacting with people? This is where we must be open and curious. And we can’t do that without asking questions. So the next time you attend a conference, join a yoga class, or volunteer at your children’s school, be curious about someone different from you. Approach them with a smile and introduce yourself. Ask some questions. Most importantly, listen intently and make eye contact (even above a mask or virtually). What questions do you ask when you meet someone new? If you’re a person of color or immigrant to the country where you live, what do you think of “where are you from”? What’s your go-to approach to connecting with a new person? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I grew up in a conservative culture, where I was taught — many times over — that there was no question that gender is binary. 🤯 For the record, I believe wholeheartedly now that gender isn’t binary. It seems absurd that I ever thought it was! But it took years of listening, reflecting and being uncomfortable with the reality that what I learned growing up was wrong to reach the understanding I have today. I wrote on LinkedIn last week about this problem: that our social networks aren’t diverse enough by gender identity, race, religion, class, and more. When you consider that most of us are surrounded by the same perspectives and ways of thinking, it’s no wonder that we harbor erroneous beliefs about other people into adulthood. It’s no wonder, but it’s also no excuse. We have the ability to change our minds, and we must. To do so we need to actively cultivate relationships with people different from us. These are some ways to start: Seek out differences intentionally. Prioritize seeking diversity–difference and especially connection with communities that have been historically marginalized–in the businesses you frequent, like buying from women- and minority-owned vendors. The next time you go out to eat or purchase a gift, take the extra time to source from businesses from underestimated communities. There are great resources to spend money more intentionally, including my friend Laura Clise’s fantastic guide, Intentionalist. Further, seek out diversity in your social circle. I’m not suggesting you tokenize anyone by befriending them just because they are from an underrepresented community (trust me, we can tell!) But next time you’re at an event, notice who you gravitate to — I bet they look like you! Challenge yourself to connect with someone different, and approach them with openness. An easy way to start a conversation, even online? Ask, “what are you reading these days?” or “tell me about yourself.” Seek out diversity professionally. We must also cultivate professional networks that are diverse in every way. For people who are hiring, I always recommend advertising job listings with identity-based networks. Don’t just list job openings on the company website, reach out to groups that focus on underrepresented groups — and there are many — like Black Girls Code or Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers. And take time to attend events that are focused on serving underestimated groups. Seek recommendations on which networks are community-serving and led by community leaders from a diverse group of people. Cultivating these networks allows you to draw upon them to more effectively diversify the workplace. Develop insight from a diverse slate of resources. To understand all the beautiful and fascinating ways we are different, seek out points of view that are different from your own. I’m talking about films, books, festivals, cultural events and media focused on a diversity of experiences and communities. When it comes to friendships and professional relationships, if someone shares an experience or opinion that is unfamiliar don’t shut it down. Listen without interruption or defensiveness, and thank them sincerely for sharing, especially if they are revealing something about their identity or heritage. Cultural awareness and understanding can’t only be developed when you’re surrounded by familiar perspectives. PSA: I am not recommending you engage with trolls or people who spread harmful ideas about underrepresented groups. What makes me hopeful. In my own work helping companies to develop strategies that foster diversity and inclusion, I’ve seen progress when white, male leaders regularly educate themselves and attend corporate events focused on advancing women or people of color. They learn to empathize with the barriers underestimated people face. One male leader I spoke to said reading So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo urged him to engage in tough but meaningful conversations about racial equality at work. A lack of diversity in your personal life can have unintended consequences when you get to the office, the school board, the neighborhood association. But intentional action to diversify who you engage within all areas of life leads to real change. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I grew up in a conservative culture, where I was taught — many times over — that there was no question that gender is binary. 🤯 Now I believe wholeheartedly that gender isn’t binary — what an absurd assumption to make! But it took years of listening, reflecting and being uncomfortable with the reality that what I learned growing up was wrong to reach the understanding of gender diversity that I have today. What changed? Well, my mind. An overlooked barrier to equity, inclusion and belonging To “change your mind” sounds simple, yet it’s anything but. (Again, it took me years to update my understanding about gender as a spectrum.) It’s challenging to acknowledge that our parents, religion, community and/or culture misled us. But it can be done — I see it happen all the time among clients, peers, even strangers online. But there’s a barrier that a lot of us struggle with. If we removed this barrier, I know our ability to embrace diversity with enthusiasm would accelerate. That barrier is: Your social network isn’t diverse enough. Let me explain: A 2013 survey found that three-quarters (75%) of white Americans said their social network was almost entirely white. By contrast, 65% of Black Americans reported their network was entirely comprised of Black people, and 46% of Hispanic Americans said their network was entirely Hispanic. A more recent study still found that 21% of white Americans reported “never or seldom” interacting with someone of a different race or ethnicity. And even among those who did frequently interact with someone of a different racial or ethnic background, 74% said those interactions happened at the workplace, compared with 46% saying those interactions were in friendship groups. That’s remarkable: less than half of us have friends of different backgrounds. This is despite the fact that the U.S. is becoming much more diverse as a country. Still, many Americans have neighbors of the same race, a lasting legacy of race-based segregation in neighborhoods and schools. So even if you attended a racially-diverse school or live in a multi-ethnic city, it’s likely that your views are largely be shaped by those who look like you. For me, exposure to racial diversity was a strong component of my early life and continues to be. What I lacked, instead, was exposure to people who identified across the gender spectrum. So, I remained ignorant about the diversity across genders until I consciously began to expand my social circle. Take a moment to imagine your social circle. Do most of them share the majority of your identities? How this barrier manifests in the workplace Given the lack of diversity in our social networks, it’s no wonder then that as we climb the professional ranks we lack the cultural competency to work with peers of different backgrounds. After all, we’ve had little (or no) practice! Sadly, we often default to stereotypes and biases to inform our interactions with people who are different from us. So when headlines like Some Black women feel safer working from home and are opting out of office life to escape workplace racism come across our desks, how can we be surprised? Creating a truly diverse and inclusive society — not to mention work environments! — requires that we all put in the listening, reflecting and being ok with being uncomfortable so we can change our minds. It requires us to develop our own awareness and understanding of personal and structural bias, by interacting with people different from those we’re used to — and we can’t confine that to the workplace. At its core, diversity, equity, and inclusion is linked deeply with understanding, engaging with, and collaborating with different people. We must diversify our social networks. I’ve seen and personally experienced many important mind shifts like the one I shared about the gender spectrum. Have you? There’s so much negative news about inclusion. Let’s shift the narrative by sharing our stories of becoming more open and welcoming of difference! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

This is a story about clothes. And culture. And a memoir. And feeling seen. And — well, let me tell you the story: “Actually, I never wore saris” I’m reading the fantastic memoir My Life In Full by Indra Nooyi. She shares that during her consulting years in the 80s, she was asked not to join her team at client sites. Why? Because what would it look like to have an Indian woman in a sari on site!? Even when Ms. Nooyi became the CEO of PepsiCo, the press would often focus on her exoticism and the saris she “always” wore to work. She writes, “actually I almost never wore saris. Maybe they thought my scarf was a sari?” 😂😭🤷🏽‍♀️ The issues faced by one of the world's most powerful women feel too familiar for many women of color, even today. We can either hide our identities — the clothes, jewelry, hairstyles, and food that make us feel most authentic — or bring them to work and face the barrage of comments, looks, and lost opportunities because they — we — don’t fit in. So I wore a salwar-kurta to Google I thought of Ms. Nooyi when I addressed an audience last week of women in tech across Google’s Asia-Pacific region. It felt like a homecoming to speak to an audience in the region where I grew up! But I also felt nervous, because I decided to wear an Indian salwar-kurta (by the amazing Indian designer, Masaba). Even though they could only see my shoulders (it was a virtual event), it felt like a big decision. The way we dress has so much meaning — and risk. I remember growing up in Singapore (my Indian heritage is a minority there) and feeling worried about being stereotyped as someone who couldn’t fit in. Those feelings only increased when I moved to the United States. So I made my best effort to “dress the part.” And then, something like this would happen: I’d be waiting in the lobby for a meeting with a global organization. A group of white women employees would walk by wearing visibly ethnic accessories from countries in Africa or Asia. “I got this on my last trip to Tanzania,” one would say. The women would celebrate each other for styling these “exotic” clothes and jewelry and wearing them to the office. Yet these were overwhelmingly white organizations, where only white people could wear “exotic” clothes and not have it impact their perceived competency or “culture fit.” This kind of cognitive dissonance is common. Cultures with a history of colonialism are often comfortable extracting and appropriating pieces of culture from other places. But if I took my meeting wearing a sari or kurta, I’m confident I would be considered “not a good fit” for the organization. I see you. When will we — as a global community — reach a place where we can bring our full, authentic selves to work without being exoticised or seen as “not a fit”? That’s a trick question, because there’s no date and time I can give you as an answer. But this is what I know: As more women of color and underestimated people demand to be embraced as we fully are, and find solidarity with others like us and the allies who celebrate us, we will rise. Indra Nooyi won’t be the last immigrant woman of color CEO on the Fortune 500 list. Somedays, It feels like an uphill battle; I get that. And all the cumulative years of being asked to stay home from client sites, of belaboring our hair and accessories choices, they take their toll. After all, it felt revolutionary to wear an Indian kurta to an event in Asia! But you know what happened after I did? A woman who heard me speak messaged me. I could see from her profile picture that she wears a hijab (she shared how she, too, grew up as a minority in the country she’s from). She told me how much it meant to her to see a woman of color as her authentic self on a Google stage. I have days — we all do — when the uphill battle is exhausting. Days when I ask myself, why? That message from the Google employee who really saw me as myself? That is exactly why. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.