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The first time I was bullied at work, I convinced myself it was no big deal. As the first woman in my family to graduate from a four-year college, I thought I could handle anything. Sadly, so many of us do this - force ourselves to carry on, even when we find ourselves at breaking point. Eventually, the bullying and daily exclusionary behaviors from my colleagues began to take their toll. I knew something was wrong when my heart would beat faster when the elevator opened to my office floor. And when I started having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, despite being an early riser my whole life. I even stopped wanting to socialize with friends, despite being an extrovert. Most of the time, I was simply too exhausted to go anywhere. Then the dark thoughts showed up. I would replay scenarios in my head of interactions with coworkers. I felt ashamed for not knowing how to respond to subtle acts of exclusion (also known as microaggressions) like having my name mispronounced and my English complimented. I was the only woman of color in my department, so I had no one to compare notes with. Was I being “too sensitive”? Or would other women of color have had similar experiences? The shame I felt quickly transformed into anxiety and self-loathing when I came close to losing my job after a senior leader complained that I was difficult to work with — without giving any reasons or examples. Thankfully, I didn’t wait to be unjustifiably fired. Instead, I quit (despite the well-meaning advice from family and friends that I shouldn’t leave such a lucrative opportunity). I was broken mentally and spiritually. I had to leave. Today, I know there’s a term for what I experienced: racial gaslighting. And after interviewing hundreds of women of color for my book, Inclusion on Purpose, I found that my story wasn’t unique. And due to a variety of factors, including a lack of mental health providers of color, women of color aren’t getting the mental health help we need to address the trauma of racial gaslighting. I vividly remember the relief I felt when I spoke with Danielle Jenkins Henry, a licensed marriage family therapist associate (LMFTA) and founder of Dream Life Out Loud. She affirmed everything that I was feeling, saying: “It’s common for victims of workplace discrimination to conceptualize how they are the problem. That conceptualization takes the form of guilt and shame, severe anxiety, and panic and worry, such that you can no longer be effective in your role.” One last note: I’m reading a fantastic book “Rest is Resistance” by Tricia Hersey. I’ll share takeaways when I’m done but needless to say, I could have done with this book a long time ago—especially as I was navigating the challenges above—and I’m grateful I’ve found it now. Stay tuned for my next Inclusion Is Leadership, where I’ll share brilliant advice from Jenkins Henry on four ways women of color can support their mental health in racist work environments. Subscribers to the private version of Inclusion is Leadership will get exclusive access, and you can subscribe here. I want to hear your stories and advice, too. Let me know how you preserve your mental health in the face of workplace discrimination. Or conversely: what was a breaking point that made you decide to leave a toxic environment? I’ve shared this resource recently but it’s worth sharing again: I urge you to check out this website created by Meghan Thee Stallion. It lists multiple mental health service providers for people of color. Some of the resources are even free. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I shared last week that I was honored to join Brené Brown on her podcast (for the third time!) with my dear friend Aiko Bethea. We discussed the state of DEIB (diversity, equity, inclusion and belonging) today. If you haven’t listened to The Heart of Leadership Part 1, please do! Yesterday, Part 2 released, where Brené, Aiko and I have an open conversation about many things, but most profoundly on my mind right now, how to navigate criticism as women on the internet. Brené speaks candidly about her experience with negative pushback (which she also shared in a past episode of Unlocking Us), and I talked about the uptick in criticism I’ve had to face around my approach to changing the systemic issues women of color face at work and in society. I haven’t spoken publicly about this criticism very much, and I appreciated Brené and Aiko creating the space to have this important, if painful, conversation. Please listen, and do let me know your feedback. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

My mum says I loved to talk since pretty much the moment I learned to speak. I also loved stories—hearing and telling them. So it’s my absolute joy to have a career now where conversations and stories are central to my life. And I never take for granted that I get to have frequent chats with brilliant thinkers and leaders—some who are household names and others who are not — including the conversations we have here in Inclusion is Leadership in the comments (thank you for your openness and generosity)! Today I’m honored to share an exciting new conversation I’m still feeling in my bones: I joined Brené Brown for the third time on her Dare to Lead podcast, this time with my dear friend Aiko Bethea. Aiko is someone whose heart, soul and DEI leadership have always inspired me. I loved being able to talk with Brené and Aiko about where we are with DEI today: what are we doing well? Where are we falling short? What are the challenges? And why have so many leaders lost steam around creating more inclusive workplaces? I hope you enjoy listening, and please do offer your feedback right here in the comments. As you know, I love having conversations with you! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Did you know there are at least twelve holidays between now and Christmas – the most recognized holiday in the West on December 25th? Many people don’t. But it's a non-negotiable for the inclusive leader to dig deeper to expand beyond status quo. That’s why I’m dedicating today’s issue of Inclusion Is Leadership to the holiday I most look forward to, Diwali. It's the Hindu festival of lights. This entire period of time is very special for Hindus. The festivities began for us this year in September with Navratri and culminates on Diwali, which falls on October 24th this year. It’s not a fixed date, so it changes every year. I've always loved the meaning of Diwali; good over evil, the triumph of light over dark. To me, it has meant seeking out justice even when everything around you makes it easiest not to. Kind of like...doing DEIB work effectively. Kind of like being the one voice that stands up to bias and racism when others around you don't. As I look back on the early years of my career (when I felt compelled to work during Diwali) I think of how far a simple acknowledgment would have gone in making me feel seen, valued and respected. No one should have to deny a part of themselves by working on the holidays that are important to them. But people do this all the time, especially folks from communities of color, immigrant communities and religious minorities. That’s because we’ve been conditioned to present ourselves as “assimilated” to the dominant group to obtain and keep employment, and to “fit in.” I know, because that used to be me. Overlooking the religious, spiritual and cultural celebrations of others (and expecting them to only observe the same holidays as those of the dominant culture) is painful and exclusionary. And that’s why leaders must demonstrate their commitment to inclusion by making it safe for their team members to express *all* aspects of their identity that are meaningful to them, including religious and cultural celebrations. Here are ways managers can practice inclusion regarding holidays: Regularly ask team members if they are celebrating any holidays. You can also be proactive and look up holidays yourself. Here’s a useful resource for just that. Just be sure not to assume that your employees observe certain holidays. One way to have this conversation could be: "I'd like to build a team where it's more than ok for people to take time off to celebrate special and meaningful holidays. Do you know of any coming up?" Host celebrations at work (where appropriate). But be mindful not to place the responsibility on the individual who celebrates the holiday to do all the work to make it happen. For example: you could hold quarterly celebrations that include all the holidays taking place in the next three months. In general, repeatedly ensure that your team members know that it’s more than ok for them to take time off to celebrate what’s important to them. The “the most wonderful time of the year” is going to be different for each of your employees. Recognizing, proactively acknowledging, and taking an interest as a leader is a basic and important step in fostering a respectful and inclusive workplace. Now, I want to hear from you. What holidays are you looking forward to celebrating? Have you worked someplace where all cultural and religious holidays were acknowledged respectfully? I love hearing your experiences! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

May I admit something? I’m tired. It’s the kind of bone-deep tired that I know, if left unchecked, can easily turn into burnout. And here’s what else I know: no human being is immune to burnout. But women of color are at greater risk – burnout affects us more often than it affects white and other dominant group people. This has always been true, due to the psychologically damaging and physically exhausting impacts of facing racism and sexism in the workplace and wider community. But I think we’re particularly susceptible now as we navigate our "post"-pandemic reality. After all, most of us are expected to return to the workplace in some capacity – places often rife with exclusionary and biased behaviors. This, after we spent 2.5 years figuring out how to homeschool, work from home, isolate and manage our grief at the rise of anti-Asian violence and anti-Black police brutality. I understand that many of us don’t work in jobs that have resources to support mental health, which is why it’s so important to be our own best caregivers by recognizing and addressing early signs that can signal burnout. As I feel my own tiredness and see it reflected in my women of color friends and colleagues, I’ve been thinking about what helps me address it. There are three main practices that help me avoid burning out: Solitude: I ensure I find ways to spend time alone when I need it. I'm lucky that I get to decline opportunities when I need a break–a perk of working for myself–but I do have to push back more often than I ever thought I did. And while I don't navigate the same challenges as an employee may have to when declining a request from a boss, it's still hard for me and a guilt-ridden process to feel like I'm letting others down. What helps is knowing that if I don't make time for quiet, I'm letting myself down. What does solitude look like? Sometimes it means spending a car ride breathing deeply instead of catching up on the news. Or reading casual fiction rather than the latest bestselling, thought-provoking book. Or taking a walk around my neighborhood in silence, rather than listening to a podcast. In short, taking brain breaks alone, rather than spending non-work time “leveling up” to become more informed. For me, preventing burnout often means reminding myself that it's ok not to be caught up on the latest news, podcast, book or tv drama. That brain breaks are just as necessary as opportunities to stretch my brain. 2. Community: Checking in and spending time with other women of color gives me a sense of belonging that is utterly energizing. Sometimes, that means holding space one-on-one with a friend. Other times, it's by attending a gathering with people who make me feel accepted, appreciated and understood. When I reflect on how many times a check-in message from a friend or even a stranger appreciating something I wrote, arrived like clockwork just as I was losing my cool, it's often felt like a touch of magic to my weary soul. 3. Education: Learning about the systems and structures of our world helps me zoom out on my situation. It gives me a chance to think about the big picture. And I know I’m not alone in that! I have been energized to learn that 20,000+ people have enrolled in my new LinkedIn Learning course, Moving DEI from Intention to Impact. Learning and reflecting through seeking out books, courses and podcasts often helps me feel restored. When I walk away feeling like my mind was stretched, it often refreshes me to take on new challenges. Of course, it has to be in the right balance with the solitude I mentioned in step 1. Sometimes I need to lean towards learning and sometimes I need to lean away, depending on which one I need to feel whole again at that moment. Taking the opposite action to what I need is when the burnout feelings exacerbate. Self-care should always be customized. Candles and massages may work for some. It may not work for you. And that's ok. I want to be clear: the practices I describe here support me personally when I’m approaching burnout. But sometimes more serious interventions are necessary. I had the honor of interviewing my friend Dr. Yumiko Kadota for the New York Times last year, and her experience shows that burnout can be a severe physical, mental, and emotional condition requiring professional support. Wherever you are on the depletion spectrum, this is a gentle reminder from me that it’s always wise to listen to your body, prioritize your mental and emotional wellness, and seek resources and community that make you feel whole, welcomed and supported. Speaking of such resources, have you seen mental health resources curated by Megan Thee Stallion? They are fantastic, and a prime example of the way women of color use their platforms to support and heal each other. Now, you know I love to hear from you: What activities or practices help you restore when you’re feeling depleted? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I know I’ve spent much of the past few newsletters sharing my achievements (Audiobook! LinkedIn learning! Events!) But, the vast majority of my time is spent learning from others about current trends in Inclusion and Leadership and to improve my skills as a writer. I love words that inspire me, challenge and make me reflect on positions I’ve long held. Bonus points if what I read gets me to change my mind or approach. Also, as a working mum of a 6-year-old, believe you me that I NEVER read even half as much as I intend to. Hands up if you’re with me! So, as we enter the 4th and final quarter of the year (!!!), I want to share my love of reading with you by giving you a curated list of my top five “short” reads of 2022: 1. Serena Williams Says Farewell to Tennis On Her Own Terms—And In Her Own Words I was at home in Singapore when I read this mind-blowing essay from tennis’ GOAT. Serena and I became mothers around the same time (likely the only time I can say we achieved something similar!) and so it really hit home — I even cried — when I saw in writing, her honesty about how difficult it is to be a working mother. You can love your career (and literally be the best in the world at it) and still recognize when “something’s gotta give.” I hope more leaders who haven’t had to make this choice realize what an impossibly painful one it is. 2. In former British colonies, ghosts of past haunt mourning for queen By Rael Ombuor, Rachel Chason and Meena Venkataramanan I grew up on Mountbatten Road in Singapore, named for Louis Mountbatten, the man who masterminded the bloody partition of India and displaced millions, including some of my ancestors. I can confirm that in ALL formerly-colonized nations, colonialism is very much part of the here and now and not the distant past as Westerners would have you believe. This article reminds us of the radically different experiences and perspectives on colonialism for those living in formerly colonized countries vs in the West. 3. Why India Trounces the US When It Comes to Female Airline Pilots By Ragini Saxena India has more female pilots than any other country in the world, including the U.S.! I found amazing takeaways on how India has proactively worked to recruit and retain female pilots using programs that began back in the 1940s! I love reading and celebrating news like this because I’m often asked about how “those poor women in those countries over there feel,” when the facts are quite different – in this matter, especially, the U.S. and U.K. have much to do to up the percentage of female pilots, compared with India. 4. Diversity…I’ll Never Get it. By Mark Melton Here’s a very important read from someone who humbly acknowledges his privilege. I really respect this author’s humility. He openly shares the time he was publicly checked for making (unintentionally) insensitive comments to one of his staff lawyers who happened to be a man of color. I appreciate that he acknowledged the discomfort and embarrassment he felt in the moment, but simultaneously understood that he needed to hear the correction. This read is a great reminder of how our realities and experiences do differ based on our race. And good leadership is knowing that what worked for you will not work for others who don’t enjoy your same privilege. And that true leadership means stepping back and letting others lead. 5. Melissa Miranda's Seattle City Guide Pardon my Seattle focus here, but I couldn’t not share this article on Melissa Miranda (one of Food & Wine’s Best New Chefs) sharing her curated Seattle City Guide. Here’s the truth: it can be hard to be out and about for a fun evening out as a person of color in Seattle. Sometimes, my friends and I will head out for a wonderful meal at some award-winning Seattle restaurant, only to be the only people of color around. Trust us, we always notice. Now that we’re beginning to travel again, I’m hopeful we’ll be thoughtful about the businesses we frequent, look for amazing ways to support underestimated communities, and overall, celebrate that any city is more beautiful and memorable when it has an opportunity to let its full diversity shine through. Especially the one I call home right now, Seattle. Each piece on this list has moved me in some way: Stirred emotions, made me think, and taught me something valuable, which is why I wanted to share it with you. I hope you enjoy the articles as much as I did. Happy Reading! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Have you heard the phrase, the road to hell is paved with good intentions? Well: I prefer not to generalize, but when it comes to creating inclusion on purpose this phrase rings true. To make inclusion a leadership priority, we must focus on creating meaningful impact with our actions. And our good intentions are of secondary importance compared with how our actions impact others. Especially people from underestimated, underrepresented backgrounds. That’s why I am so honored and excited to present my first LinkedIn Learning course: Moving DEI from Intention to Impact. It’s FREE for the next 24 hours! I created this course for leaders and aspiring leaders who desire to create inclusion, and need practical skills and actions to translate their intention into impact. Because I meet so many leaders who are trying to bridge this gap and aren't able to. That was once me too. Why? The challenge is simply: we live in a world that prioritizes comfort over learning. We mean well, so even if we make a mistake, we’d rather focus on our good intentions than learn from their negative impact. This mindset is an enormous obstacle to creating meaningful impact on inclusion, but it is something we can change. That’s why it’s critical to seek out resources and situations that normalize experiencing discomfort, making mistakes, brushing ourselves off and trying again. That’s exactly what my course does: equip you with lifelong skills that promote inclusive impact. Side effects may include, but are not limited to: a more dynamic and rich social life, leadership opportunities, greater self-compassion, strong empathy muscles, and more. I’ve also been deeply, honestly, and painfully vulnerable about my own DEI journey; the moments that made me cringe and the ones that made me cry. The times I fell down, but then got back up again and vowed to learn from my mistakes. How I learned to take inclusive actions intentionally, by focusing on the impact of those actions. Course-correcting and growing. Knowing that this is a life-long journey. I can’t resist sharing a few teasers from some of my favorite takeaways: 1. Cultivate an Inclusion Mindset In Moving DEI from Intention to Impact, you’ll learn how to apply a growth mindset to develop your inclusion mindset. An inclusion mindset depends on you to be willing to work hard and strategize and seek input from others – especially your peers from underestimated backgrounds, who have almost certainly experienced exclusion and bias at work. Your experiences and perspectives alone won’t cut it. 2. Normalize – and Move Forward from – Your Feelings You’ll take an honest look at what happens in your body (heat, tension, sweat) when you feel shame – the most common reaction when anyone gets feedback about biased or racist behavior. You’ll learn to recognize those physical feelings as human and address them with compassion, so you can keep moving forward without letting them derail you. 3. Diversify your Social Circle The average white American’s social network is 91% white (!!!) Consequently, the first time many Americans interact with someone of a different race or ethnicity is at – you guessed – work. I’ll invite you to take a candid look at your network and social circle, and the perspectives you’re missing from your life. Homogenous social networks lead to bias and exclusivity in the workplace. And there’s plenty you can do about it! 4. Flex your Empathy Muscles You’ll also learn how to decenter your worldview, to welcome and make space for the experiences and perspectives of others. This is not a zero-sum game, but one where everyone (including you!) wins. With the skills you’ll learn in my course, you’ll be equipped to have a richer, more vibrant, and much more inclusive life and workplace. I can’t wait to hear what you think of Moving DEI from Intention to Impact – your greatest takeaway or “aha” moment. Your feedback means the world to me, and I cherish every one of your comments and private messages where you share your learning. Reminder, Moving DEI from Intention to Impact is free for the next 24 hours! Upon completion, you’ll have new skills under your belt for the rest of your life. Please share your feedback once you've taken the course, as I'm always looking to learn too! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

“Women should be seen and not heard.” That was the message I heard growing up. I was taught – in ways both overt and subtle – that it was more important for “good” South Asian girls and women to “look good” (by conventional and colonial beauty standards, ugh) than to develop our voices. So it is both professionally exciting and personally meaningful that today, the audio version of my book Inclusion On Purpose was published – and I recorded it. In my voice! (How’s that for being seen and heard?!) You can purchase the audiobook and hear me read to you on Audible. If you do, thank you so much. I also want to thank you profoundly for your patience. I regret that it took so long to release the audiobook, and it pains me that so many people were waiting to get their hands (or ears, I suppose) on the audio version. Having an audio version is KEY to being inclusive to all communities and I acknowledge that I should have done better to ensure my book was accessible to as many as possible. Please accept my humble apology. I hope it’s worth the wait! Is it a Non-Western Thing? I’m musing on the “women should be seen and not heard” message. Is it unique to growing up in a traditional Indian family? To Singapore? To Asia and the Asian diaspora? If you live in North America or Europe and believe the answer is yes, I’m not surprised. There’s a false belief in the U.S. at least that in other countries (read: non-western ones), the plight of women is to be subservient and silenced. Yet when I moved to the United States I found no escape from the “be seen but not heard” message. I can’t tell you how many times in the corporate workplace I was told – in ways both overt and subtle – not to say anything, not to speak up, that my career growth and success would take a hit if I used my voice. The women of color I interviewed while researching Inclusion on Purpose confirmed that they’ve had the same experience. I imagine that white women experience this message too – but nowhere near to the extent that women of color do. That’s why I center the intersecting identities and experience of women of color. Always. So yes, recording this audiobook is a personal and professional milestone. Not only because it contradicts the harmful and silencing messages many women of color experience, from within our communities and outside. Recording this audiobook was also a powerful experience because I had to be intentional about how I was working. The final audiobook is over 8.5 hours long, and it took three full days to record in a studio. Mentally, I knew it would be a marathon and not a sprint. That was challenging for me! My inclination is often to “power through” and “get the job done,” no matter how exhausted I am. That wasn’t an option here, as I didn’t want to lose my voice and delay the project. I had to pace myself. On the practical side, I prepared for recording by embracing Ayurvedic practices: I ate teaspoons of honey with haldi (turmeric). I drank warm rather than hot liquids. I avoided dairy products and vinegar. And I spent the 30 minute drive to the studio taking deep, calming, navel breaths that true yoga practice (and not the whitewashed version!) teaches. I am proud of how the audiobook turned out, humbled that I have the opportunity to share my voice with a wider audience, and deeply grateful to you for encouraging me and sending me notes and comments. For being such a supportive and uplifting community. Thank you. And if you need to hear it today: your voice matters. The world needs your stories. You are enough – right here and right now, today – to share what’s in your heart and on your mind. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

A painful truth: my lighter skin afforded me a certain level of acceptance within society when I was growing up in Singapore. But. I was never quite “light enough” and I was also regularly accosted by salespeople trying to sell me skin-lightening creams. What am I describing? Colorism – an insidious saboteur of inclusion efforts around the globe. Colorism is the biased preference for people with light or white skin. Globally, we’ve been conditioned, through decades of oppression and media messaging, to associate whiteness with beauty, power, and prestige. But skin tone only makes sense in comparison – so at the same time we’re taught these positive associations with white and light skin, research shows we’re taught to associate more melanated skin with ugliness, poverty, and criminality (it hurts even to type those words). These associations deny darker-skinned people access to opportunities and quality of life. And not only from other communities, but often, from within their own too. One area where this plays out is in global beauty standards, which are heavily linked to lightness and whiteness thanks to colonialism. Skin lightening creams and treatments are a multi-billion dollar industry in Asia and Africa, despite how dangerous they are. Why U.S. Rep. Ilhan Omar focuses on eradicating Colorism When Minnesota State Representative Ilhan Omar was in high school, a boy said to her friend that she would be “more beautiful if she had lighter skin like Ilhan.” 😡 Can you imagine the pain of that experience for Rep. Omar and her friend? All these years later, that incident motivated her to take a strong stance on busting the availability of toxic skin-lightening products, which Representative Omar told me about in an interview for The New York Times. But the beauty industry isn’t the only one plagued by colorism. All workplaces perpetuate colorism which harmfully impacts dark-skinned women of color, in the form of getting passed over for promotions, mentoring opportunities, and other career achievements (if they get hired at all). And it’s not just in the US. Colorism is affecting the career aspirations of women across Asia as well, where colorism is rampant. One study conducted in India found that dark-skinned women’s constant exclusion from access to work opportunities has trained them to stop striving for advancement altogether. What can you do? For starters, we can all get educated on this issue. Dr. Kimberly Norwood’s work and book on this topic are a must-read to get up to speed. Greater awareness helps take the onus off dark-skinned women to “try harder to advance in their careers.” If you’ve been subscribed to Inclusion Is Leadership for some time, you know I never put the onus on individuals to address the systemic oppression that impacts them. Instead, leaders must demonstrate their commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion and the eradication of colorism in the recruitment process, policies, and especially in their everyday actions and practices. And the most important pieces of advice for ending colorism at work? Take responsibility, especially if you have white-skin privilege, to call out colorism when you see it and consistently check yourself for your own biases. We all have the tools and opportunity to unlearn our own cultural biases through awareness and acting intentionally. Educating ourselves, listening to others’ stories, and exploring other perspectives are an important starting place. Have you experienced colorism? Have you witnessed skin tone bias in your life or in the media? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

In 2019 (before the world went topsy turvy), I flew to London to attend the prestigious Thinkers50 gala. Completely unexpectedly, I had been named to the “Radar,” a list of 30 management thinkers whose ideas would one day shape the world, as part of what’s been described as the “Oscars of Management Thinking.” Anyway. At that gala, I also cheered on as Dr. Amy Edmondson won a well-deserved award for being the #1 thinker in the world. Her research on psychological safety was changing lives, hearts, minds and yes, organizations. I became completely enamored by her work on psychological safety. And then…as she gave a touching acceptance speech of how this award was three decades in the making…it all clicked into place on how it connected with inclusion. What is Psychological Safety? Imagine you’re in a high-stakes meeting at work. You’ve got peers and managers to either side of you and there are some serious power dynamics in the room. You’re a woman of color, one of the only or maybe THE only. You’re fairly new to your role and the company. But you know this for sure: your colleagues are overlooking something critical in the plans they’re making. Do you say it, even though you don’t have the status, privilege, or seniority of the white guy next to you? Do you put forth your idea, even though it’s a risk to how you’ll be perceived? If you’re shaking your head and squirming with discomfort, you’re NOT alone. But if you’re nodding and thinking, yeah, I’d feel comfortable saying something, then it sounds like you have something immensely important at your workplace: psychological safety. Why is psychological safety vital to inclusion? Groundbreaking work on psychological safety has found that where such safety exists – especially in very tense and high-risk situations, such as neonatal intensive care units in a hospital – it doesn’t matter who you are or what your rank is: anyone’s idea can be heard, not just the most powerful person’s in the room. More so, your idea may not be the winning one, but you know that you won’t lose status, or be ignored (or worse) humiliated for putting your idea forth. You could be a junior woman of color on the team, and still feel safe speaking up, sharing your ideas, and taking risks. That is psychological safety, and that’s what creates inclusive and innovative teams and workplaces. Research finds that teams with high growth and innovation have high psychological safety, but it’s not just that: psychological safety is how we create inclusive cultures at work, which lead to innovative problem-solving (and the myriad other benefits of diverse thinking and experiences). You should never feel shame or awkwardness to take a risk. You should never feel that you might lose status or be considered “less than” to sharing your ideas. One of the reasons why I believe corporate diversity efforts stall or fail is because they don’t address the people aspect of it. People need to feel psychologically safe more than they need to attend a company-wide “diversity program.” When it comes to really moving the needle, leaders and managers must investigate their own biases and areas of privilege. They must ask themselves, “How do we create psychological safety in our teams? How do we create space for all people to speak up and take risks?” If you’re a leader or manager, I encourage you to ask yourself these questions – and let me know your answers! And for anyone, if you’ve worked with a leader or manager who made you feel safe taking risks at work, hit reply and let me know: what did they do? How did they do it? I can’t wait to hear your stories. There is no doubt that taking risks and failing is non-negotiable for creating an innovative and high-growth team and environment – not to mention an inclusive one. Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

I’m familiar with going above and beyond at work: taking on extra assignments; picking up the slack for sick co-workers; even doing some of the “office housework” critical to the smooth operation of any office. I liked to help, I wanted to help, and I assumed my dedication would be recognized. It’s only logical, right? But, instead of recognition, accolades, or even an appreciative nod in a performance review, I routinely received the sting of rejection throughout my corporate career by being overlooked for career advancement. Instead, I watched my coworkers get promoted again and again because they happened to be “in” with the boss. It was demoralizing and unfair. We know women of color experience bias in the workplace and are disproportionately assigned this “office housework.” So it was the first thing that came to mind when I was asked to answer a question from a Girlboss reader on how to navigate nepotism at the office. This reader shared how they had been “doing it all” but still unable to advance because of nepotism. My personal experience throughout my professional career, and the extensive research I conducted for my book Inclusion on Purpose, confirms that nepotism is a serious DEI concern – especially for women of color. Why does nepotism disproportionately (and harmfully) impact women of color? Two words: affinity bias. That’s the predilection human beings have to gravitate toward people who look like us. So it follows that if corporate America is predominantly white and male-dominated (which it is), and people gravitate towards others like them… then corporate leadership is likely to hire and promote more white men – to the tune of 70% more than women of color promoted to leadership, according to McKinsey research. This is not about finger-pointing, though. Affinity bias is natural and something we’re hardwired for. So, we can lay down the defensiveness. And: we have the responsibility as leaders to become aware of our affinity bias so we can act intentionally to cultivate inclusion. If we don’t, we will act on our biases. That’s not our fault, but it is a fact. But what can you do when your boss has not ascended to this level of intentional inclusion? Three tips to deal with workplace nepotism (or bias) Talk to your manager. I know this is not always easy and requires you to feel a certain level of safety with your boss. But I highly suggest this as a starting point. Plan what you’re going to say in advance and stick to the facts. For example, try highlighting all of your achievements that you believe made you the better candidate for the promotion that you were passed over for. You can then ask your boss to explain what criteria were used to promote your colleague instead of you. Stop doing it all. Women of color are often expected to do the “office housework” – work that is outside of their job description but still necessary for the office to function optimally. For example, if you’re a lawyer trying to make partner at your firm yet you seem to get saddled with making sure office supplies are well stocked, then it may be time to actively turn down the “office housework”. Check out 5 ways women of color can say “nope” to office housework for ideas! Leave! Sometimes we forget that this is an option when we’re used to working in a culture of nepotism (and other biases). You deserve to work somewhere where you feel welcomed, valued, and appreciated! For example, if you have tried my first two tips to no avail, then it may be time to re-evaluate what you need and what you are not willing to tolerate from a future employer. Keep that information top of mind as you go on interviews and ask questions to determine if the employer would be a good fit. We’re a ways away from fully eliminating the bias that blocks women of color from advancing in their careers. But if we all make it our business to call it out, and we all make inclusion and equal opportunity for advancement non-negotiables, it will send the message to leaders that they must cultivate an inclusive workplace or risk losing valuable talent. I’d love to hear about how you have dealt with nepotism, or if you’ve ever caught yourself in your own affinity bias. Please share your experience! Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.

Hiring for “culture fit” is among the most widespread and exclusionary practices in hiring today. And it is pervasive! One study found 84% of recruiters look for “fit” in their selection process. That is 84% too many. But what, exactly, is wrong with culture fit? On its surface, “fit” probably sounds like a good thing. After all, don’t you want your employees to click into your workplace like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle? The Lie of Culture “Fit” The problem with “culture fit” is that it’s coded language that nearly always means “culture sameness.” Think about it: when you’re hiring for someone who “fits” – given that most companies in Western countries are disproportionately led by white men – you’re hiring for someone who acts and thinks the same as everyone else. It doesn’t take much to see how exclusionary this is – not to mention detrimental to the hiring company, if the organization wants to stay competitive and attract top talent. Tiffany Tate is a hiring expert with over a decade of career development experience, and one of the women of color who generously shared her insights in my book, Inclusion on Purpose. She points out: "The old culture fit model relied on deciding whether to hire someone if you thought you could be stuck in an airport or blizzard with them. It's a bizarre metric—and riddled with biases, because you would likely choose to be stuck in an airport in a blizzard with someone who looks like you.” The “blizzard test” is not an effective assessment of who would best perform a job on your team. Tiffany advises her clients to move away from an outdated model of assessing how much you like a candidate to how well they could do their jobs. The Inclusion in Culture “Add” Rather than focusing on culture fit, organization leaders must concentrate on culture add. Seek to hire people you don't already have represented, whether by race and gender, educational background and experience, country of origin and languages spoken, or other identities. A plethora of research shows that harnessing the power of diverse teams leads to better outcomes: less groupthink, more innovative solutions, and overall more profitability. When teams prioritize hiring a candidate who would be a culture add rather than a culture fit, they're more likely to benefit from out-of-the-box thinking and better outcomes. In my book, I also share my favorite example of how culture add can lead to justice and fairness when the stakes are seriously high. Look, structural bias cannot be dismantled overnight. But declaring that your workplace is no longer seeking a culture fit for new roles and disrupting peers when they reject a candidate for not being a culture fit is a quick win. Ensure that your organization prioritizes the hiring of a diverse range of employees, especially women of color. This is not just HR's job; it is every manager's responsibility. You can read about Tiffany’s experience of being passed over due to “culture fit” in Inclusion on Purpose. And, she’s featured below! But I want to leave you with this: Tiffany now coaches clients to navigate the recruiting process and advises countless leadership teams and boards on hiring and retention best practices. During these interactions, she advises her clients to inquire of interviewees, "How will you add to the culture on our team?" Exactly. And now, I want to ask you that question! How do you add to the culture on your team, in your community, in your family or friend group? Click here to subscribe to the weekly Inclusion is Leadership letter.